Too Painful To be true

 I guess I really want to belong. As i went through my classmate profile to find picture I felt like my heart being sliced slowly. It just hurt me to know that these people know each other long before me and that their bond are stronger with each other. Okey, so I am being irrational. I love my life at Samarahan and that what makes it even more painful. I saw graduation pictures for each and every one of my classmate. What about me?? I got nothing and if I quit QS here then I have nothing. It scares me and sometimes I felt that life would be better if I just disappeared. I don't know how long I can hold myself and be brave and strong. Time will tell. But I know I am in the brink of destruction. Slowly... I am killed inside. Soon, everyone will turn their head away from me and blame me for not being strong and can't fulfill their wishes. I can't do it. I just can't.  Even now I am slowly turning into someone I don't recognize.  Please..please show me ways to escape from this pain. I do not know how long I can keep faking myself. I don't see my future and that scares me. Seriously, I have 6th sense where I can just 'see' something. Like going to high school and stuff but nothing on my future a.k.a adulthood.