Why we choose??

I am a girl with many mistake. I am not perfect. I have weaknesses. I need the help from people around me often. And yet I myself abandon my friends in order to keep up with another one. How terrible. So why, the person who gone through a hell of weaknesses abandon another friends with the same weaknesses as her? She knows how they felt, when she herself felt it beforehand.

In pursuit of perfection, geniuses among the genius, we sacrifice someone and something to get  what we want to achieved. The Idea of achieving something is good but the method is wrong. These very people we choose to abandon should be helped. Do deeds along the way. As we ourselves would want help when we are in no capacity to do something.

Incapacity is not the reason. So quit your yapping!

Thought for the day

When we talked about feelings and expectations. Its pretty clear that we missed something along the way. The second party. We expect that party to fulfilled our expectations but we ourselves didn't ask ourselves whether we fulfilled the other person expectations. Are worthy of their action and so on. It applies in working areas and so does in relationship.

Sometimes, we set standard for whoever it is to be our friends, nakama, and even members of group assignments. Hm..life, how pitiful this world can be.

It hurt to hear, to see and even unbearable to be the only one with less ability . I don't have the apt for sports, academic and even singing. How low can I be? How down should I be before I totally lose my mind and my life? I really wish that I have multiple ability or gifts. Hm....

Shattered Inside

When my life turn to better. I am still me. broken inside and I wouldn't be ashamed to admit it. Because I am. My effort to seek help seems fruitless. I am what I am. My heart are not settled. I became my own worse enemy. I defy myself. I defy my freedom.  Just by acting like a child makes me happy. Cuz then, I wouldn't have to bear responsibility. I  don't know if anyone knows it but it also hurt me to see me being a failure. I am doing mediocre in everything I did. Tried to change but seems useless. I can't change the fate thats already written for me. That I will carry all these weaknesses and just able to look at others who did everything w/o any difficulties at all. Don't I have any talent at all? Why am I not a genius that have the ability to learn fast. Why practically I fail? So many question. i know it is bad to ask those question but I am a human being too with lots of wondering and I can say that I am lost.

Winning and losing an epitome of life

Life took an unexpected turn. Guess what?? We won first place in aerobic competition. Yay!! After an embarrassing defeat last semester. We finally able to win this thing. Anyway, there's pictures of course but I don't have it with me. It is mainly in my Facebook account.hehehe...  But in all, I am so happy that this time, my friends come and cheer for us. the atmosphere are also different although the level we're in are different from the last competition. I can't help but feeling that we are competing against such a low level of performance. In SAF. There are a lot of other competitors and their moves are more sharp than us. Huhu.... But I love aerobic. Sure, when our turn came I am sooo nervous. But when i am at the centre of the ring. All those nervousness gone. And the music just flow into mind mind. I didn't even think or look at  my friends who were there. Everyone just blends in. The audiences and the judges. The feeling was great.  Well, right now, after the competition my leg are still injured. I couldn't even jump w/o feeling any pain. It hurt but I made my decision to do it till the end right and the winning worth the pain. My mum and dad doesn't really care much about it. They only care about my studies. Sooo sad. I can't really convey to them or share with them my fear, my worries and my joy. It is useless. All they say was that this is just a temporary thing. And I shouldn't focus too much on it (the day b4 the competition). I hate them for it. They never support anything that I like and love to do. And yet I still make the effort to study things that they wanted me to study and do what they wanted me to do. Why can't I go against them?? One answer. I am too stupid.

Speechless but NOT! Dumbfounded by FAR!

My goodness, Thank god for showing me the real deal. I ask for direction and HE gave me 1. Now i am certain that my feeling is nothing more than a mere friendship valuation. I am glad. But what makes me felt happy is that the fact that for the first time since I live here. I don't feel left out. Proves, my gf ask for my opinion and advice and my bf ask for the same thing also.  I will try to value my friendship from this day onward. Glad I went to PS yesterday. It help me see things clearly.

Starting to break

I am like an hour glass. My time has a limit and I think I am almost running out of sand. I hate her then and it haven't change now. Well, most of the time I am okay with her but she is a pain . I have to put up with her attitude that it disgust me to be me. I hate her and I hate myself for not be able to fight back. I am trying to be sensible and not make a fuss out of the things that she did. Fighting wouldn't be good for my image.

Things I hate about her:

1) Can't accept her failure and other people success
2) Too proud of her legacy (not that she is a direct decedent  of the royals or anything
3) Too arrogant and proud to say "I am sorry for what I did" sincerely
4)Doesn't like it when other people brag about their success when she herself shove it on other people face
5) Doesn't listen to others
6) thinks she is the smartest girl on earth
7) Think little of other people
8) Hypocrite
9) Proud of her triangle traits which says ( i am a high achiever and will do anything to achieve what i want w/o caring about other people.
10) Think she is the prettiest girl
11) always comment on other people out of jealousy
12) Loves to pry on other people's affair
13)Only befriends with someone for their background
14) Can't be trusted

Well. there must be more but I couldn't think of anything right now. Sleepy. Even Pres sense my anger towards her. And you hear me out bitch! 1 day, all that u think matter wouldn't matter to you in the future. This is life. All life has their own cycle. So, your next generation, I do not wish for a happy ending. Hopefully you will be punished for your action and your descendent will also bear the consequences. Mark my words, your first child will be a failure and this is my curse for you.

I know it is not good to curse other people but like i said earlier, I am about to break. My glass body are cracking. No more I felt a genuine interest in you. I am officially considering you as my friend for benefit and never once think of you as my good friend, dear friend best friend or even close friend. You deserved what you deserved.

Hopelessly in Love

Bergetar hatiku memandangmu,
Ooo..Resah, hati gelisah..

Part of Akim's song lyric. I am so lost right now, the problem with me is that, I fall easily and I wish I don't have to be like that. Why?? The more I rejected the truth, the more I am  jealous of him. God! He is so nice but I have to act like a friend so help me please. I don't want to be oblivious. The thing about me is that I am quite predictable when I am in certain condition. People notice stuff and I notice that he is running away from me.  I am starting to bore him and creeping him out. So sad. That is why it is better if I just befriend with him. I cannot afford to lose a good friend like him. Not that It matter anymore. Everything is ruined. I am ruined.

Picture During 3 days of CNY Holiday!!!!

Enjoy !!!

Ha!!! Feeling fresh today after early slumber last night. I manage to wake up early but since I got nothing to do early I snoozed off till 10 am. Waaaa! so tired last night. 2 days straight went out shopping and having fun with friends.

Good thing I sleepover at my friends hostel. The place was superb. got our own compartment and I felt like living in Egypt.Hehe.. the architecture is Islamic based. Love the fact that it is cold there since it is situated  on hill. Anyway, first day of outing, I went to Wangsa Walk with Nikun. SALE! SALE! SAE! Everywhere.. Mange to buy green cardigan, and other girls stuff. Before we went back, bought KFC for dinner that night since the first night I'm there we already had pizza. ( I know, i'm not suppose to eat all that but the I can't help it) Hahaha....  crash diet does that, Eat like a piq for 3 days straight. hahahaha....

The next day, Me, Nikun, Yayat and Kakak Yati went to Times square. Me having to bring all my stuff since I am going back to hostel later that evening cause my arm to hurt like crazy. My english sucks..huhu...

So, I am quite depressed when I am at times square since the mall are having CNY Sale and I couldn't buy much ..No money, I can only buy things that I really need such as bag for class(my old bag are a lost cause) , a blouse for kuliyyah and 3 pair of socks for aerobic competition next week. Need that much socks for practice(just in case i am too tired to wash one I can go for anothe one) hehe.. its pink, white and pink+white in colour... love them. Felt so nice on my feet. Juz the right size lae 2..hahahaa....