I love my friends though. That is all i know. And i realized that I love her too.

Going back to basic

Tomorrow I'll be going back to Sabah after a few months here. There are lots of ups and down during my time. It is not that I want to quit but I think I need to resolve myself there. Although my family is not the best place for me to hold on and rely to.

The fact that I didn't tell my friends because, I do not want them to think different of me. I know, I complained a lot and that I am a total opposite of their kind. I am sad though cuz I couldn't tell anyone but give them the hint. Hahaha... such an attention seeker I am. Hm.. now i regret doing this but then, maybe it is for the best.

Resolve myself in terms of
1) self confidence
2) question in my heart
3) My love life

I hope that if i were able to return to Shah Alam again, I will be a different person totally. A better one. With goals and determination and  fighting spirit.

Measurement with Dr. Who?

Dr. Who can help me in measurement?? My friends?? Ok. But what about my lecturer. If I wanna overcome my fear, I have to be able to face him first. So how la? I'm confuse. I think the only way I can approach my lecturer is by asking him question about studies. I never able to communicate other than that topic to the other lecturer. hehe...... hm....

Yess! I'm not in love

Haha...!!! Yes2!.. I know, I've hurt myself so many times before and now I am free... Free as a bird. haha... these feeling is nothing more than just a friendship that turns stronger. I mean, I couldn't be lesbo right??haha,.. weird me..

Revelation as promised

It’s true that you shouldn’t dwell in the past. Let bygone be bygone. But I can’t help in reminiscence my high school days.  As promised, here is the second part of my revelation. I think of my high school days both as a curse and a blessing. A curse when I became someone that nobody cared to notice or even befriend with. A blessing when god send me angels along my rocky years in high school. 

You can say that people look at me like a weakling. Someone not worth to be bother with. It’s because of my incapability to socialise with them. The future hot shot, high society offspring. But they are also nice when you become part of their world. For instance, I know that some of them are very humble and friendly. Contradict to what I said earlier. (Laugh) 

Anyway, when I was at my faculty this morning, a friend of mine sit with his group of friend and called my name. I know i am very quite so it really understandable if they wanted to hear my voice. But when i ask him what he did to his hair, he said something that makes his friends laugh ou loud. The same kind of laughter that I hear back when I was in my high school. Laughter for the losers. I am sure they mean to laugh at his jokes. But, it does make me remember my high school days. 

My blessing comes in the form of a small circle of friends whom over 5 years developed into a strong bond. I should never forget Stephanie, Linda my scouts friends, my Group Tengah Sisters, kakak sayang, nikkun, yayat, ams, twinz, nina and sash. They are the one who help me to go through high school with ease and support. Who showed me the way to become educated and to be able to make sense of the education that i received at that time. My classmate, I am soo lucky to have you guys when I was in form 4 and 5. And last but not least, my Dream and Team friends, especially to Ema, thanks for being sincerely friendly with me. 

Enough with the thanks and all, next is the stories.

So , wait for it.... ('v')

A little wise fact, girls tend to twist facts.
This person did this and they think because of her. haha.. it happen to me, just how much longer do i have to keep up with my attitude. I can't fall easily and everytime
Seeing the oblivious, and yet i still sparks hopes in me. Loser.

Sometimes, we are so self centered that we forgot there are other human being out there who experience the same thing that u experienced. That person maybe your friend, your family, your special someone. Its good to go out of your shell and self sympathy and reach out to others. I remember my counselor says to me that maybe If I help others I will become better.

Open you eyes as big as you can, then you will be able to see beyond your misery... its not that hard.. if dolls can do it.. so can you..
Then, listen what you can hear around you.. not to be nosy mind you.. hehe... but if you listen enough, you will discover something else. Like me, I just found out something about my friends... Just by listening and paying attention for the first time.. and also I know what this one person thnk about me.. that i think i know how to judge people. man, I don't wanna judge others but guess I do it without realising it..huhu... kinda scary ....
Hehe.. anyway, be a warm person, as warm as you can get and start your day with a smile.
It makes the difference in long term... LOve, peace and out...  : )

Loving something I'm not suppose to

True to the subject matter. I'm in the position where I am confusing myself with the obvious. Loving the fact that I have friends and loving the fact that I love them. But what happen when your love becomes more than it suppose to be? Fact, I cannot lose someone I love like members of  my family.

The inevitable truth is that if things goes the way it is, I would not be able to do what I am suppose to do. Its all a bit jumbled up. I know, but it makes perfect sense to me. So, leave me please my dearest love side. Its not that I hate you but rather that I wanted to be emotionless once more. When all thing aren't that complicated.

C.N BLUE- LOVE REVOLUTION

I want you in my life
I want you smiling at me everyday
I'll be loving you forever....

This song are sooo fun to hear..it just boost my mood. hehee....  I would recommend you to listen to this song....

Another anger. Another truth

I already knew about it. Well, kinda know it would happen and what she will say. So my predictions, observation and instinct is right all along. I knew she hated me for being in elite school and has all the opportunity to go international. Plus, having a cooler lap top than her. I am not paranoid. You should see her. The way she behaves. and everytime she is angry. She will channel it towards me cuz she knew I wouldn't shout at her. Why would I lower my level and dignity  to her level? I do not wish to turn into her. I do not wish to be her friend but fate brought us together. I will not forgive her until she changed thoroughly and apologize sincerely to me. I do not have any mercy on her. This I will say. One day, she will realized all she did was wrong and how stuck up she was and she will die with regret for forgiveness will not come easy.

Breaking Dawn

I finally break this week. Crying non stop for 3 days straight. Even go to counselor to find out what my problem is. But then, he couldn't help me out. I'm frustrated cuz, i just want to end this. This unsettled feelings. He said I am on the right track. There is nothing wrong with me. But then, why on earth I cried so hard..??? I decided not to see him again. Because I don't really know if he knows what is going on with me. I don't even know myself and meeting him with the hope he can unveil what is it that been bothering me. Well, I still have to text him. Tell him I wouldn't need his test and all. That i will return his self motivation book. But I also should thank  him because now I felt like I should finish what I started. So maybe I will fail but that just not the case anymore. I have friends here. I am actually making friends. And I love them so much. They are different, more mature in a way and I also able to see that their concern for me wasn't biased at all. Alhamdulillah.